Puck's 'Dry'ad Spell
by PteraWaters
Summary: An AU fairy tale/parody starring the Glee club. Lady Rachel's been kidnapped, Sir Finn's a wreck, and Puck can't believe he's helping them, until he meets a beautiful woodland creature... Rated T for language and Puckurt kissing.
1. A Cowboy is a Brave Knight

_A/N: This idea was born out of an interview of Daren Criss in which he called Chris Colfer a "magical wood nymph," which I thought was just the cutest thing ever. That said, this story is Alternate Universe, but please stick with it to the end. You'll be glad you did. Besides, I'm pretty sure it's a fun ride along the way!_

_Summary: An AU fairy tale/parody starring the Glee club. Lady Rachel has been kidnapped and Puck gets dragged along in the quest to rescue her, finding himself tied to an interesting companion along the way. Rated T for language and boy/boy kissing._

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**Puck's Dry-ad Spell**

Chapter 1 – A Cowboy is a Brave Knight

"Dudes," the young squire said, shifting his pack on his shoulder, "how come I gotta be the one walking? I should just punch one of you and take your damn horse."

"Chillax, Noah," one of the knights replied, standing up a little higher in the stirrups held aloft by his mighty white steed. "We have to be almost there, right?"

"I hate you Finneous," the squire replied. "Don't even know why I agreed to be your freaking squire side-kick. Man, you knock over _one_ treasure carriage and all of a sudden it's prison and then it's 'Do this, Puck!' 'Do that, Puck!' I'm a freaking _human being_, you know."

The second knight, sturdily astride his shiny black mount, turned back and smiled at Puck with that shit-eating grin of his. "Your apprenticeship is only for six more weeks, Noah. Then you can be a good guy knight, like yours truly and handsome young Finn. What do you think, Finn? Wouldn't Noah look fabulous in the tunic of Dalton?"

"I don't know, Sir Blaine," Finn replied, scratching his head through the opening in his helmet and trying to see over the next rise. "Right now, I'm more worried about finding Lady Rachel."

"I don't know _what _you see in that _woman_," Blaine sighed, "but I agree that our duty as knights states that we must rescue her from her captors."

"See?" Puck added, short of breath from trudging up the hillside behind the horses and trying not to step in any of their shit. "I'm not the only one who thinks Rachel sucks."

"Blaine thinks all women suck," Finn replied absently, still ignoring Puck for the most part. Was it Puck's fault that Finn's previous romantic interest, Princess Quinn, had crawled into Puck's bunk by mistake one night? The moron had been punishing him for it ever since – making Puck carry the heavy swords, not buying Puck a horse, making Puck scrub the shit out of his boot treads, making Puck be the one to freeze to death furthest away from the fire at night. If the guy wasn't his liege, Puck was pretty sure he would have kicked Finn's ass long before they'd come to this point. Not that Puck was all that big on authority, but still. Finn was a good guy and Puck sure as hell didn't want to be the bad guy.

"Oh, true," Blaine replied to Finn's remark about his preferences, winking back at Puck. "Very true."

Jesus Christ, did he have to do that? Puck got drunk one time (_one time!_) and accidentally made out with Sir Blaine. Everyone knew what happened at Summer Solstice was supposed to _stay _at Summer Solstice, didn't they? Ugh.

"Prince Sam said that the hermit's house would be around here, guys," Finn said, exasperation evident in his voice. "He's the only one who knows how to get to Sir Karofsky's secret castle."

"I don't even know _why_ he took Rachel," Blaine sighed, "but if she's important to you, man, we'll find her."

"She's my life!" Finn replied with such gusto that Puck had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing. "I love her so much, you guys. We have to find her."

Knowing Finn wouldn't be able to focus until he got his pea-brain off worrying about his beloved, Puck insisted, "We will, dude. Don't worry about it."

"But what if my love is lost forever?" Finn asked, stopping his horse and sliding out of the saddle to crouch on the ground and cry. Man, what a pussy. Puck would make such a better knight than either of these wimps. Just six more weeks of this crap and he was golden. All the maidens in the land would swoon over his kingdom's colors and his impressive strength. His bed would never be empty again.

Then, a high voice flitted out from between the trees, at once calming and grating in an uneasy mixture that stirred something in Puck's stomach. "Settle down, Cowboy. You'll find your lady love."

"Who goes there?" Finn cried out, standing up and pulling his sword halfway from its scabbard. "And what's a cowboy? I mean, I know what a cow is and I know what a boy is … Wait! Is a cowboy some sort of tiny Minotaur?"

As Finneous spouted off his dumb-ass mouth, a lithe figure turned its way from around one of the trees lining the path. Puck couldn't tell if the figure was male or female, but it had a playful smirk; round, red cheeks on pale, green-tinted skin; a tunic made out of leaves that matched its hat; and wide, blue eyes. Yeah, okay. Puck would tap that.

"No, my friend," the creature replied with a giggle. "A cowboy is a brave knight," it stepped closer to Finn, sashaying its hips as it walked, and set a light hand on Finn's sword arm, "just like fantastic you!"

For the love of …! The creature was flirting with Finn and the dumbass didn't know what the fuck was going on. Puck would just have to step in, wouldn't he? He opened his mouth to order the wood nymph or _whatever_ to shut it and tell them where the hermit lived, but Sir Blaine cut him off, the jackass.

"Oh my god!" Blaine cried out, jumping off his horse. "I love your hat! Are those oak leaves, I see?"

The creature blushed a little more and turned to Blaine, his hand leaving Finn's arm and going up to readjust the hat, "They are! How could you tell, my good sir knight?"

"Oh, I read Medieval Vogue every month! It said oak leaves were in this season, for dryads, of course. I mean, you wouldn't see a squire like Noah in something like that, but I love it on you!"

"You're so sweet!" the creature replied, looking completely enamored with Sir Blaine, just like everyone that had ever lived.

With a sigh, Puck cut off Blaine's response and asked, "Who are you, dude?"

"My name is," the dryad said, fluttering its eyelashes as it turned to face Puck, "Kurt Elizabeth. But you can just call me Kurt." Kurt ran the tips of his fingers down the side of Puck's bicep, which made him shiver a little, but he covered it up with badassness.

"Awesome," Puck replied, more confused than ever what this wood nymph kept under (his?) tunic. "I'm Puck, or Noah, I guess. These punks are Sir Finn and Sir Blaine. Can you help us find Arthur the Hermit? He's kinda the guy we're looking for."

"Yeah," Finn broke in, pushing Puck aside because of course, he had to look like the leader. Fucking dill hole. "Could you find it in your heart, gentle Kurt, to help us?"

Throwing a sardonic look at Puck, Kurt held his head high as he asked Finn, "You're used to being the big man of the castle, aren't you, sweetie?" When Finn couldn't respond, Kurt chuckled again and stepped around him to take Puck's arm. "What about you, Puck?" Kurt's lips popped on his name in a way that made the squire shiver again. "Not in charge of much, are we?"

"Not recently," Puck replied, wondering whether or not he should be letting Kurt lead him into the forest like this. "Where are we goin', anyway?"

"Oh," Kurt chuckled, squeezing Puck's arm and looking back to make sure the knights were following them. "Artie's a good friend of mine. I'll take you to see him. For a _price_."

"Crap, I knew it!" Finn said from behind them. "One of us is going to have to lay down his life so that we may rescue the princess! I nominate Noah!"

"Oh, thanks a lot, Finn!" Puck cried back.

Blaine leapt around in front of Puck and Kurt, a friendly smile on his face and his hands outstretched in friendship. "Now, now. Let's hear what the price is before we sacrifice our squire, Sir Finn."

"Yeah, _let's_," Puck sneered.

Letting Puck go and dashing to climb a rock just to the side of the pathway, Kurt stood above the three men and declared, "As my prize, I will claim one kiss."

"I'll do it!" Blaine offered, stepping forward eagerly.

Magnanimous smile in place as Kurt crouched down on the rock to put himself on eye level, the dryad chuckled. "You would offer me a kiss, Sir? Don't you know it's dangerous to go around kissing magical creatures?"

Smiling, Blaine shrugged and turned his face up toward Kurt, whispering, "It's just a kiss."

Puck gagged audibly because Blaine was being such a romantic douche, which made Finn snigger beside him. Kurt chuckled as well, pulling back before Blaine could kiss him. "Unfortunately, my kiss has been cursed. If it turns out you're not my true love, you would fall into a nightmare-ridden sleep for a hundred years."

"Dude!" Puck cried out. "That totally sucks! You can't even make out, like, just for fun or whatever?"

Kurt gave Puck a harsh look that said he was being an idiot before turning back to Blaine and continuing softly, "You see, my first kiss was stolen by that oaf, Sir Karofsky. My magic got all fucked up with the shock of it and morphed into a curse. I can't tell you how many perfectly good knights I've incapacitated, looking for the right one…"

"We were _always _going to have to sacrifice someone," Blaine whispered confidently, one hand drifting up to brush Kurt's cheek like the knight was in a damn trance. Hey, who knows? Maybe the dude was. Nymphs always had a way of getting under your skin.

Finn snapped his fingers excitedly and shouted, "Hey! We're going after Karofsky, which totally puts you and us on the same side! If we kill him would that break your curse?" Blaine's fascination broke at Finn's cry and he stepped away, practically hiding behind his taller fellows, despite the soft way he was still looking at the dryad.

Kurt shrugged in a non-committal way, at which Puck scoffed. What good was this dude? They should just go back to the trail and the horses and find their own way. He opened his mouth to say so, but was cut off again, damn it!

"Boy!" a strong voice called from the same shadows that had birthed Kurt into sight. "What are you doing to these fine male specimens? Can't you see the freakishly tall knight is one of King William's men? Don't even think about kissing them!"

With a smile, Kurt hopped down from the rock and held out his arm for the nature spirit that stepped into the light of the clearing. Her curves were ample and definitely female, her smile beautiful, her skin and hair as dark as night, and her clothes made out of some sort of mist that Puck could _almost_ see through. He'd heard there were water nymphs in this kingdom, but Puck hadn't seen one, much less a wood nymph as well, in so very long. What a fucked-up day…

"Mercedes, my lovely," Kurt replied, pecking her cheek, which looked really soft and totally kissable, "would I miss the significance of their tunic colors? This is _me_ we're talking about here."

Unable to keep his mouth shut any longer in the face of the beauty that lay before him, Puck declared, "Damn, girl! You've got more curves than a Nissan ad!"

"Really?" Mercedes asked, raising one eyebrow at him in disappointment. "_That's_ what you're going with? Dude, cars haven't even been _invented_ yet."

"Then, what's with the name, _Mercedes_?" Puck shot back, crossing his arms over his chest. With that self-confident attitude the naiad had, no way he was breaking off a piece of that action anytime soon.

"Mercedes is a family name."

"Uh-huh, and the Pope's my uncle."

"But," Finn put in, shaking his head, "Noah, I know all your uncles. Since when are-?"

"Leave it be, man," Blaine insisted, patting Finn's shoulder, which was a little difficult for him to reach. "Leave it be."

"So," Mercedes spoke up, her voice booming through the forest, "you seek the hermit?"

"Arthur, yeah," Finn told her with his stupid-ass, makes-everyone-melt friendly smile. "Only he has the knowledge we need to find Sir Karofsky and free my Lady Rachel."

"That loud-mouthed diva?" Mercedes asked in disbelief, sharing a look with Kurt. "Why the hell would you want _her_ back?"

Confused, Finn shot Puck and Blaine a questioning glance before turning back and declaring in his best knight's voice, "Because I love her!"

"Whatever, dude. It's your life," Mercedes shrugged.

Kurt cleared his throat and said, "I think it's romantic. I wish my true love would search high and low for me."

"Yeah, great," Puck sneered, never one to believe in that true love shit. "Can we go see the hermit now? We'll pay some other price, but a kiss is out, since I'm not gonna be the one locked up in a prison of nightmares for-fucking-ever."

The naiad smiled and approached Puck, looking up at him coyly. Great, she was going to demand a cursed kiss as well. Puck was screwed. "Well," she said, "I could assist you fine gentlemen for a much lower price."

"What d'you want?" Puck asked impatiently, taking his arm from her grasp.

"I am awfully hungry..." Mercedes sighed and Puck chuckled. Of course she was hungry, as big as she was. She could probably eat a whole sheep in one sitting if she put her mind to it. Oh, crap! She was going to eat _him_, wasn't she? "Do you have any potater tots?"

"Potater tots?" Finn asked, confused. "Why would we-?"

"Oh!" Blaine cried, leaning over to dig around in a pocket on the leg of his breeches. "I have some! Crazy, right? I put them in my pocket during lunch, for a mid-afternoon snack!" Blaine grabbed a handful of tots from his pocket and picked away a little lint before handing them to Mercedes with a smile, "We're lucky they didn't get squished yet! There you go, milady."

Mercedes gave the douche a giant, impressed smile and held out both hands to receive the treat. She shoved one tot in her mouth and began to chew before taking a few steps and calling back, "Follow me, boys."

"Oh my god," Kurt whispered with a roll of his eyes, and Puck figured he was probably the only one who could hear the nymph. "You're too easy, Mercedes. Too freaking easy."

Puck hefted his bag on his shoulder and let the knights go ahead after Mercedes before following them sullenly. Only after a few minutes did he realize that the dryad walked beside him. "You okay, dude?" Puck asked, much more comfortable with the term since Mercedes started using all male pronouns while talking to her friend.

"Just ... lonely," Kurt smiled shyly, shrugging one shoulder as he walked. "I'm starting to think I'll never find my true love."

Clearing his throat, Puck awkwardly patted Kurt's shoulder and said, "Maybe Finn's right and once we kill Karofsky, you won't be cursed anymore. You could totally bone anyone you wanted."

"How elegantly stated," Kurt chuckled, looking Puck up and down. "I could do that right now, you know. Just, no _kissing_."

Puck laughed. He liked the way this dryad thought. "So," he wondered, "you gonna come with us to defeat Karofsky? I know if I were you, I'd want to see that fucker bleed with my own two eyes."

"Yeah," Kurt nodded, a devilish smile on his lips. "Yeah, I think I will."

"Just don't mind-fuck my bosses. Blaine's the only one of 'em that can think and Finn's the only one who can fight. I'd be up a creek if you pulled your Jedi mind tricks and mesmerized either of them for good."

"Wrong mythology," Kurt said, rolling his eyes. "Seriously, Puck! Medieval Europe. What's so difficult about sticking to one canon?"

Puck ignored Kurt, speeding up to walk a few paces ahead and muttering, "I wasn't always a squire, you know." Sometimes it was easier for Puck to deal with his shit-tacular life if he could pull himself out of the reality of it for awhile. "You don't know me. No one does."

"I guess not," Kurt muttered from behind him before prancing up to take the lead alongside his watery friend.

If Puck stopped lying to himself, maybe he would have admitted that he missed the woods. He missed the green-dappled days and the pitch-black nights. He missed running through the trees without having to carry Finneous Hudson's dirty breeches. He missed the nymphs. Oh, the nymphs! Many of them were older than time itself, but they certainly knew how to satisfy, given a little of the romance they never got from their passerby victims.

Fuck. His. Life.

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Before long, a clearing appeared before them, a stumpy thatch-roofed cottage in the middle, cheery smoke pouring from the chimney. "There he is, dudes," Mercedes pointed, finishing off her last tot. "I got shit to do. You coming, Kurt?"

"No," the dryad said, giving Puck another one of those shy smiles. Damn it. The nymph was going to cling to him now, wasn't he? Great. Just … great. "I'm going to accompany these fine fellows in the hopes that they will be victorious over my tormentor."

"Whatever," Mercedes shrugged, leaning in to kiss Kurt on the cheek. "Let me know when you're back in the forest, boo. We'll go shopping."

"It's a date," Kurt smiled, returning his friend's cheek-kiss and waving goodbye as she left, misty dress twirling around her.

Not wanting to dwell on the sad look Kurt was giving his retreating friend's figure, Puck shoved Finn toward the cottage, saying, "Go knock, dude."

"This hermit's not _dangerous_, right?" Finn asked as he approached the door, fist upraised. "Blaine?"

The other knight pulled down his face mask and insisted, "No, of course not. He's supposed to be a lovely fellow."

Nodding a few times to himself like he was building up his courage, Finn took a deep breath and stepped up to the door, knocking on it three times.

"Who that be?" a voice cried from inside, and Puck almost sniggered at the casual question.

"Um…" Finn called, looking back to his companions for reassurance. "I'm Sir Finneous Hudson of Kinley, along with my squire, Noah Puckerman. Sir Blaine of Dalton is here, too."

"And Kurt!" the dryad called out in his high voice. "Hey, Artie!"

The door opened right away, letting the travelers into the warm, dark cottage. "Hey, c'mon in, dudes!" the hermit insisted from where he sat behind the door. His chair was odd in that it had small wagon wheels attached to it, and he wanted to know what was wrong with the dude's legs but Puck thought he should be at least a little polite to this guy and keep his mouth shut or suffer the wrath of Finn's cold shoulder. Man, that guy could hold a grudge!

"Kurt, my homie!" Artie cried as the dryad followed Puck and the knights into the cottage and closed the door behind them. "What's up?"

Bumping his fist against Artie's in a gesture of friendship, Kurt laughed and said, "Not much. Ran into these young men in the forest while they were looking for you."

"Uh-huh," Artie said, looking over the three travelers. "And you brought them here free of charge?"

Kurt rolled his eyes and dropped down onto the bench beside Artie's chair. "No. Mercedes did, though. Or close enough."

Artie turned to Puck and his friends, pointing one thumb over his shoulder at Kurt and shrugging, "Nymphs, huh? Always looking out for themselves first. Never want to give a dude a break and help him out for the pure humanitarian joy of it." Puck remembered that about nymphs really well. Unless you could sex them up or give them something really choice, they tended to either ignore you or actively make your life miserable. And they thought it was all in good fun.

"Speaking of which," Kurt smiled. "You've got something new for me?"

"Over there," Artie pointed, rolling his eyes at Puck as Kurt hopped from his seat and crossed the room to a table sitting under a small window.

"They're perfect!" Kurt cried, holding up what appeared to be a collection of several varieties of exotic bird feathers, which Sir Blaine cooed over as well. "My winter wardrobe is going to be the envy of the entire forest."

"Eh?" Artie gestured, holding out his hand. "What about my end of the deal?

Kurt carefully set down the feathers and fished a pouch from under his tunic, which was secured by a leather strap around his neck. "Here you go, lover-boy," Kurt smirked sarcastically as he took a ring from the pouch and dropped it into Artie's hand. "Just say the word and you'll be in contact with Tina. I have to warn you, though – she's been hanging around Woodsman Mike a lot lately."

"What?" Artie asked. "But, why?"

"Have you seen that boy's abs?" Kurt groaned, fanning himself a little bit. "It's not a big stretch of the imagination."

"But-!"

"Anyway," Puck broke in, not caring what the hell they were talking about. "What about our quest?"

Finn perked up at the word and said, "Yes! We're trying to find Sir Karofsky's secret lair, where he's holding my beloved Lady Rachel captive!"

"We're going to rescue her," Blaine added easily, leaning back against one of Artie's many work tables. "But first, we need to find her."

"And don't even think about lying to us," Puck insisted, giving Artie his best badass face. "If we get there and find out that, 'Oops! The princess is in another castle,' I'm going to come back here and break your face. Got it?"

Quivering a little as Finn pulled Puck back, Artie replied, "I don't respond well to threats. Now, I know how you can find Lady Rachel, but could I ask a favor in return?"

"What is it?" Finn asked good-naturedly, still holding Puck back with a strong hand on his chest. Douche.

Artie looked down at his hands in his lap and asked quietly, "Take me with you? I've been stuck in this valley for so many years, and if Tina's dating Mike, there's nothing left for me here. I want to see more of the world than this clearing. I don't want to be a hermit anymore."

"Sure-!" Finn started to say, but Blaine cut him off, whispering in Finn's ear. Frowning, Finn said, "It can't be that hard, and if it gets us Rachel back, I don't care. I'll carry him on my own back if I need to."

"Fuck," Puck sighed, falling back onto the warm stonework beside the fireplace and resting his head in his hands, propped up on his knees.

"What's wrong?" Kurt asked, sitting down beside him as the two knights agreed to Artie's plan and started talking strategy with him.

Puck turned to look at the nymph in the firelight, noticing again how pretty his eyes were. Clearing his throat as he tried to forget that thought, Puck replied, "I just know I'm going to be the one carrying the cripple. Finn never _thinks_ before he makes decisions that fuck up my situation. "

"Why don't you leave him?" Kurt asked, one hand teasing Puck's arm again. Puck knew it wasn't really a conscious move and that nymphs were just naturally touchy-feely, but that didn't stop the heat trickling across his body.

"Can't," Puck sighed. "I've got just six more weeks being his servant and then I'm a free man. I'll be promoted to knight and get my own lackey to order around. I'm not giving that up to what? Run away into the woods and be a savage for the rest of my life?"

"It's not such a bad life," the dryad insisted, sounding a little hurt. "I mean, _I_ like it."

"Sorry," Puck mumbled, wondering whether or not he should get up and leave Kurt alone by the fire.

Before he made his decision, though, Kurt looked at him sideways and asked, "Puck, huh? That name's pretty famous around here. Legend says he was kind of an ass, too. There's no way you-"

"No," Puck lied with what he hoped was a convincing laugh. "Look at me, dude. I'm completely human. Puck's just short for Puckerman, that's all."

"Alright," Kurt agreed with a disbelieving shrug. "Whatever you say."

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_Don't forget to review! And yes, you did see references to Napoleon Dynamite and Mario Brothers in there, if you were wondering..._


	2. Crunchy Toast

_A/N: I had a snow-day today, so you guys are getting another chapter right away! I've got about two more written so far, and the surprise ending! We'll see how fast the story from here to there grows legs and runs away with me. Also, I used up most of my good material in the first chapter, so these next ones aren't so much on the Humor side of the scale as the Adventure side. I hope you like it!_

_Previously: Puck's helping Finn and Blaine in their quest to rescue Rachel from the evil Sir Karofsky. A dryad named Kurt and Artie the hermit have joined in their quest to find Karofsky's secret castle._

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**Puck's Dry-ad Spell**

Chapter 2 – Crunchy Toast

After sending Puck back to get the horses, Finn and Blaine helped Artie up onto Finn's white mount and attached the guy's rolling chair to Blaine's mount. Everyone else was walking from there on out, which struck Puck as a colossally sucky idea, but whatever. He wasn't in charge, so he just followed directions and watched as both knights huffed and puffed alongside him, unused to such exercise. By silent agreement, Puck and Kurt scouted ahead a few hundred feet, making sure the horses could get through the path.

"You seem at home in the woods," Kurt pointed out a little before dusk. "I'm impressed."

"Yeah, well," Puck replied, clearing a big branch away from the trail, "I grew up out here until my father abandoned me in town with my mother." He wasn't quite sure why he told Kurt about his asshole dad, but it did feel nice saying it out loud with such animosity.

Kurt just nodded and stayed silent for a few more moments before saying, "I know of a clearing we could spend the night in. It's not too much further ahead."

"What's it gonna cost us?" Puck asked the guy, hoping he wasn't still going to demand a sacrifice-by-kiss. Nature spirits could be awfully single-minded when they wanted to be.

Kurt smiled that devilish smile again and said, "Nothing from me. It's the witches the clearing belongs to that might ask a price."

"Isn't there anywhere else we could stay, man?" Puck demanded, knowing witches were much more trouble than they were worth. "Another clearing?"

Kurt shook his head. "By the time we make it past their territory, it'll be midnight. We might as well tackle them head-on."

"Fine," Puck sighed, "lead the way."

Kurt smirked again and pranced back to consult with Artie, helping him find the horse trail to this witches' clearing. As they approached, Kurt called ahead, "Yoo-hoo! Ladies? I come bearing gifts."

"What gifts?" Finn asked Blaine, who just shrugged.

In the middle of the clearing sat a big cottage, which was painted pink of all colors, its thatch roof dyed dark purple. What sort of witches were these? The last witch Puck had met liked torturing people in dark dungeon-like auditoriums with metal underwear and unending dance rehearsals. She'd taken his daughter and turned him into _this_. As soon as he finished his sentence and became a knight, Puck was going to go looking for that witch and repay her for what she had done. With his fists.

The "witch" to emerge from the pink house was tall and blonde, with a dumb smile and bright blue, tilted eyes. She wore a red and white frock that only fell to her mid-thigh and Puck thanked whoever had shrunk her clothes, because the view was _crunchy toast._

"Hi, Kurt!" the witch called, running up to meet them and taking one of the dryad's hands in hers and rubbing it against her cheek. "Who are your friends?"

"Brittany," Kurt began, frowning and pulling his hand out of her grasp, "you remember Artie, the hermit?" The witch nodded, leaning her head against Kurt's shoulder. "And these are men from Kinley and Dalton. They're looking for the Lady Rachel."

"I know her," Brittany said, holding tight onto Kurt's arm. "Those sweaters she wears make her look home-schooled."

Kurt whispered into Brittany's ear for a minute until a pained look of slight understanding crossed her face. "I mean, she looks uneducated, like the rest of us, here in 'ye olde times.'"

"Hey," Finn complained. "Rachel's cool!"

"Finn, that's mean," Brittany insisted, and Puck had no idea how this woman could possibly be a witch. She was pretty and dumb as a post, any wealthy land owner's wet dream for a trophy wife.

"Sweetie?" Kurt asked the blonde, drawing her attention. "Where's Santana?"

"I think she's putting things in Mercedes' food today. She should be back soon."

"May we come in to wait for her? I'm sure Artie's back could use a break after being up on that horse all afternoon."

"For sure," Artie agreed, looking down at Puck for some sort of appreciation of his "tough" attitude. Puck shrugged in response, hoping Brittany's Santana wasn't the same Santana he'd been involved with before becoming _this_.

"Well, well, well," a woman's voice said smugly as she entered the clearing behind them. "If it isn't Brittany's homo boyfriend and … Puck? What the fuck are you doing here?"

Damn. It _was_ the same Santana. She had the same light-brown skin and the same severely pulled back black hair. Strangely, she was wearing the same high skirt as Brittany and he regretted for just a minute skipping out on her. "Hey, babe. When did you become a witch?"

"I've always been one," Santana sneered, looking him up and down as she moved to Brittany's side, slipping an arm around the taller girl's waist. "I don't know if it's the legs or the new hair-cut, but I'm totally not turned on by you right now. What happened to you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Puck insisted through gritted teeth, stalking up so he could whisper in her ear. "These dudes don't know about what I used to be, and I'd like to keep it that way. Please, Santana? For old time's sake?"

Giving him an assessing look, Santana whispered back, "It'll cost you. Come to Britt's and my room tonight, once your boyfriends are asleep."

"They're not-!" Puck protested, but he knew that hard look in Santana's eyes. Could he really go through with whatever she wanted from him? The real question was, could he back out now when he was so close to being able to become what he needed to be to get his daughter back? "I'll be there," he agreed.

"Great," Santana replied with a seductive smile. "C'mon in, boys. Make yourselves at home for the night."

* * *

After a heavy meal of pasta, Puck was sure he didn't want to pay whatever price Santana wanted from him, but after seeing her weave a spell before dinner to get the fire going and then sizzle a stray mouse with it, he didn't want to cross her. She could probably put a hex on his junk or something, and no one wanted that.

Finn, Blaine and Artie all slept on cots, while Kurt and Puck got the floor near the fire, which at least was better than sleeping outside again. Puck was sure everyone was asleep when he sat up to go meet Santana, but Kurt sat up too, asking, "Everything alright, _Puck_?"

"Go back to sleep, _Kurt_," Puck replied in the same derisive tone. The dude had been looking at him funny all evening and Puck was sick of it. He just wanted to go get whatever Santana wanted done with so he could get some sleep and get everyone going first thing in the morning.

"Not until you tell me," Kurt whispered, following Puck through the darkened room with light, silent steps. "You _are _the same Puck, aren't you? You know, it took me and my father two days to get all that lawn furniture off our roof."

Puck laughed softly at the memory. He hadn't known whose house he was pranking at the time, but it had been a lot of fun imagining the expressions on their faces when they saw what he had done. It hadn't been much longer before he met Princess Quinn. "I'm not him anymore," Puck insisted. "And even if I was, Finn and Blaine never knew about all that. They've only even known me as human."

"You want to keep it that way," Kurt observed, nodding his head. Then, he gave an impressed little smile and said, "It's not many of us who can pass for human in their world."

"It's not many of us who become fully human, either," Puck sighed. "Now be a good boy and go back to bed. I've got some business to attend to."

"Don't let it get too loud, Noah," Kurt drawled. "I need my beauty sleep."

Puck wanted to say something glib, but he was worried about what sort of payment Santana wanted, so all he could manage was a dirty smirk before leaving Kurt chuckling as Puck pushed open the door.

* * *

After rekindling some old memories with Santana and making some new ones with her friend, Puck returned to his bedroll exhausted. Finn stirred and gave him an odd look, but everyone else stayed asleep. Only after a minute did he realize he was alone on the floor and Kurt had found his way into Blaine's cot and was snuggled around the knight in a way that looked innocent, but made Puck feel oddly jealous. Besides, it wasn't like Blaine could do his romantic-guy thing and kiss Kurt without risking several lifetimes of torture. At least, not until Karofsky was gone. Everyone, including Santana and Brittany, seemed to agree that killing Karofsky would lift Kurt's curse and leave him free to kiss anyone.

Whatever, it wasn't like Puck cared about the guy. He cared about getting his daughter back, and that was about it, friendships with Finn and Blaine and even Kurt were beside the point.

* * *

Santana cornered Puck alone the next morning, while he was getting the horses ready for the day. "You're _really _helping those losers, Puck, aren't you? This isn't one of your long-cons?"

Sadly, Puck shook his head. "I know it's lame, but it's something I've gotta do."

"But," she said softly, approaching him and running her hand up and over his head, "I _miss_ you. The real you."

"This _is_ the real me now," Puck answered, batting her hand away. Having to put up with her and Brittany the night before was bad enough, for some absolutely wuss-tacular reason. Usually, a threesome was like, on the top of his to-do list, but knowing now that both girls still had magic and he didn't made him feel … inadequate or something. And there was _nothing _inadequate about Puckzilla.

Santana scoffed before giving him that beautiful smile and saying, "You should stay here with me and Brit. Seriously."

"Seriously," Puck shot back as he pushed past her," no."

"But why-?"

"Because I've got a daughter, alright?" Puck cried, turning on her and wishing he still had the magic to cast like an itching curse or to make her hair fall out or something.

"Oh, ew," she frowned. "Yeah, you go deal with that. _Gross_."

After bidding Brittany and Santana farewell, Puck and his companions traveled for two days before getting close to where Artie's antique map said Sir Karofsky's secret castle should be. Kurt mostly ignored Puck in favor of speaking and flirting with Blaine, Finn couldn't talk about anything but Rachel, and Artie was … Well, it was the first time he had really been out in the world for a very long time. When they'd run across a village and stopped for fresh supplies in the market, Artie gaped at everything. ("They've got that new game, yo!")

Puck remembered a similar feeling when he was young and could finally maintain his human appearance permanently. He'd had such a good time exploring the city with his father, never having guessed it would be the last time he saw the guy. Damn bastard abandoned Puck with his human mother and ran far, far away. Puck's mother said it was a quest, but Puck knew his father had left because he couldn't stand the fact that Puck was half human. All his life, Puck had hated it, too. And now he was _completely_ human. Ordinary. _Boring_.

All of a sudden, as the knights and their companions were walking on a road between two farmers' fields, they were surrounded by witches wearing the same short dresses Santana and Brittany had been wearing. And leading the company? A tall blonde woman, older than the rest and wearing a much less revealing red outfit, stepped forward. "Well, well. If it isn't King William of Kinley's men. What are you doing all the way out here, boys?"

"With all due, like, _respect_, it's none of your business Countess Sue," Finn called across the distance, holding himself up very tall. Puck had only heard stories about the countess and her army of witches, but he knew this was one badass lady, so he drew his sword as well. A lot of good it would do against magic spells, but maybe he could fight off enough of them to get Kurt up on Artie's horse and get both of them to safety. He'd have to sacrifice Finn and Blaine, but they'd be happy to die fighting for a righteous cause, wouldn't they?

Santana, the traitorous bitch, stepped up to Sue's right side, smirking as she said, "They think they're going to thwart your plans for Lady Rachel, Countess."

"What?" Sue cried, frowning deeply, but not looking too surprised. Puck wished she would just cut the crap and get to the point, but he kept his mouth shut. He did pull Kurt to stand behind him, in any case, because who knew what a practitioner of the dark arts like Countess Sue could do to any of them? "That just won't do, now will it?"

"No, Countess," a smaller woman with strange features and a squint said from beside her leader.

"Becky," Sue said, looking down at the strange-looking girl, "take them to Karofsky's castle, and show them the _dungeons!_"

"Yes, Countess Sue," Becky replied, snapping her fingers as the Countess walked away and the other witches moved in.

Sauntering toward them, Santana suggested, "You might as well put down your weapons, boys. We all know you're not gonna win."

Shit, she was right. Puck looked around, but he saw the ways all the witches were writhing with magic and ready to strike them down if they made so much as a tiny movement to thwart Sue's rule. Finn must have realized it was hopeless as well, because he was the first to carefully lay down his sword and raise his hands. As Puck followed, setting his sword and his bag on the ground, he whispered over his shoulder to Kurt, "Hey, dude? Anything you can do to help us out, here?"

"I am a _wood nymph_, Puck," Kurt hissed, "not a sorcerer. I could _maybe _give Santana a leafy make-over or call up a few woodland friends, but with the nearest tree being that apple tree four hundred yards away, I'd say we're screwed."

Puck nodded and put his hands up in surrender as well, letting the witches tie him and Kurt together with magical ropes. All four of their hands were bundled together, but their feet were hobbled separately, thank god. Practically holding hands with the dryad was closer to Kurt than Puck was comfortable being and it had nothing to do with how easy it was now to stare into those pretty eyes. Nothing at all.

Santana pulled the last knot tight herself and said, "I don't care what the spells say. You're still Puck, the satyr, and I _won't _have you making mischief and ruining all our plans. These ropes will keep either of you from doing magic, so don't even think about trying it."

"Outstanding," Kurt huffed, pulling on the ropes a little until Puck gave him a look.

"So the other night meant nothing?" Puck asked. "I paid you for safe passage and you went back on your word. This blows!"

"You paid me," the witch smirked, running her hand over Puck's shoulders as she circled them, "not to tell anyone what you are. And I haven't."

Kurt cut in then with his high voice, asking, "Where's Brittany? She wouldn't like you doing this. I'm her friend!"

"I gave her a unicorn to keep her busy," Santana rolled her eyes. "By the time she thinks to call you, it'll be too late. She'll forget you, dryad. She always does."

A sadly shocked expression passed over Kurt's face before he controlled it, his plump lips pressed into a thin line and his chin held high. As Santana walked away, chuckling her evil laugh, Becky and the countess' other minions piled all five travelers into the back of a covered wagon, its only window barred with steel.

"Fuck," Puck muttered, dropping to the hay-covered floor of the wagon beside Artie, which had the (almost) unintentional effect of pulling Kurt down with him.

"Unless they're using magic to speed the process, which I don't think they're doing," Artie said, straining to see as much as he could out the window from his sitting position on the floor, "it'll be at least four or five hours until we get there."

"Until we get to Karofsky's deep and scary dungeon," Finn sighed.

Blaine put on an unworried face and crouched beside Finn to pat the knight's shoulder with his bound hands. "At least we'll be close to Lady Rachel."

"As we're tortured and killed," Puck scoffed, pulling his hands so Kurt almost fell in his lap and gave him a dirty look. This whole being bound to a nymph? Not as much fun as Puck would have thought.

"What would Countess Sue want with Lady Rachel?" Finn asked, his head in his hands slowly rocking back and forth like he couldn't believe they'd been captured. Puck wondered why, if Sue's plans for Rachel were so important, the dudes trying to rescue her hadn't been caught up until now.

"Well," Kurt asked, wiggling around and pulling on Puck's hands as he tried to get comfortable on the floorboards beside Puck, "what do we know about Countess Sue? She's obviously working with Sir Karofsky."

"She hates King William," Finn sighed, finally looking up from his hands. "I mean, all us knights know she's been trying to take over Kinley forever."

Artie spoke up next, saying, "Though her guilt was never proven, many aristocrats thought her guilty of poisoning King Figgins. Only the line of inheritance kept her from taking power then and there."

"Seems like I've seen Sue talking to Princess Quinn on more than one occasion," Sir Blaine said, and Puck's heart fell. He knew he wasn't good enough for the princess and that she and William's son, Prince Sam, were betrothed now, but it still hurt to think of her because she was his daughter's mother. "They could be working together."

"No!" Finn insisted. "Even though some bad things happened," he shot a disdainful look toward Puck, "Quinn is a good person. She wouldn't work with the countess!"

Puck scoffed, but he didn't say anything else. It wasn't Quinn's fault that a witch had stolen Beth from him, but she hadn't done shut to help him find their daughter, either. It was almost like she'd ... holy crap! "Quinn's forgotten what happened! That's why she wouldn't help me! That's why I'm stuck with you punks! That's why she's dating Sam! Sue's witches made her forget me, and now they're using her to get close to King William! Oh, this is fucking garbage!"

"Why do _you_ care so much about King William?" Kurt asked with a sneer, tugging on their hands again. "I thought you weren't the type to have allegiances, someone who would just be out for himself."

"You don't know me," Puck insisted before lowering his voice so only Kurt could hear. "You don't know what it's like, living with them all the time. You _have_ to choose sides, and King William has only ever been good to me. He believes in me."

"You sound like one of _them_," Kurt whispered back, a tone in his voice like that was a bad thing.

"I _am _one of them," Puck replied angrily, before turning away so he didn't have to look at Kurt anymore.

"Whispering in the corner now?" Blaine asked with his eyebrow raised questioningly. "Are you okay, Kurt?"

Out of the corner of his eye, Puck saw Kurt smile coyly at Blaine and reply softly, "Never better."

"C'mon guys," Finn ordered, standing up as the cart bumped along and looking at each of them in turn. "We have to come up with a plan. Some way to escape before we get to Karofsky's dungeon."

"Yeah," Blaine agreed with an upbeat smile. "We can totally do this."

"Well, you guys have fun dreaming up the impossible," Puck scoffed. "I'm taking a fucking nap."

* * *

_Please review!_


	3. It Has to be the Rope Thing

**Puck's Dry-ad Spell**

Chapter 3 – It Has to be the Rope Thing

It was dark when Puck woke up, unsure of where he was. All he could tell was that there were other people sleeping as well, including the one right in front of him, and that person smelled fantastic. Wherever he was lying was cold, so Puck snuggled closer to the sleeping figure, breathing in the scent of fallen leaves and spicy clove. There was something wrong with his hands, but he didn't really care, since they were warm enough, sandwiched between his body and the figure's.

Just as Puck was falling asleep again, the other person stirred, shifting so their faces were so close that Puck could taste the warm air falling from its lips. A lover then? Still out of it, Puck pressed a gentle kiss to those lips before letting his head fall away and back to the ground. However, his sleep was disturbed by a frightened shriek and someone pulling on his arms.

"Oh my god!" a high voice cried. "Wake up, Puck! Wake up!"

"Huh?" he asked, blinking and looking around. He was still in the witches' wagon, covered in hay, and that dryad, Kurt, was staring down at him, along with the others who must have been disturbed by Kurt's scream. "What?"

"Oh, my god! How are you awake? You kissed me!"

"I did? That was you?" Puck asked as he sat up. "But why aren't I …? This isn't a nightmare, is it?"

"I don't think so," Kurt replied, bringing their bound hands up to his lower lip. Then, Kurt's eyes focused on the rope around their wrists and he cried, "Anti-magic rope! Without my magic, there's no curse!"

"Either that," Artie pointed out with a grin, "or Noah's your true love!"

_Oh, fucking hell_! Puck thought as he met Kurt's wide eyes. "It _has_ to be the rope thing."

"Has to be," Kurt agreed with a nod, eyes tracking down to Puck's lips.

When the dryad started leaning in, like he was going to kiss him, Puck pushed Kurt back and cried, "What the hell?"

"Please?" Kurt asked. "I haven't _ever_ been able to kiss anyone without…"

"I …" Puck replied, looking around at the others and then coming back to the pitiful, pleading look on Kurt's face. "I just don't want to press our luck, you know? What if it was a fluke?"

"It wasn't," Kurt replied, pushing forward again and batting his eyes in that way that all dryads could. Damn and it _always _got to Puck.

"Can't you just wait until we kill Karofsk- mmph!" Somehow Kurt had gotten around his defenses and pressed his warm, soft lips to Puck's. And he had yet to fall into a cursed sleep. God, if this was the dryad's kiss without magic, Puck couldn't imagine how this would feel with that whisper of the otherworldly mixed in. Searching for that almost-forgotten feeling, Puck pressed back against the kiss and deepened it. Of course, there was no magic with Santana's ropes wrapped around Kurt's hands, but at least he tasted like a nature spirit – all fresh and earthy.

Finally, Finn was the one to pull them apart, crying, "Guys, guys! Don't you think this is a really bad time for that?"

"Yeah," Blaine said, disappointment heavy in his voice. "We've been captured and we should be getting to the secret castle soon." Puck smirked at how jealous Blaine seemed. Like that short bastard could hold a candle to the powers of Puck's badassness.

Kurt must have caught onto Blaine's true reasons for objecting and nodded his head. "Yeah," he gave in, one last embarrassed look at Puck before he moved away, or as far away as he could get at the moment. "You're right. Sorry."

Puck opened his mouth to tell Blaine to fuck off, but then the wagon ground to a halt. After a few noisy moments of chains rattling and wood creaking, and another few seconds of forward travel, the wagon doors opened. Outside laid a castle's courtyard, lit up by huge torches in the tall stone walls. There were a bunch of people there, too. Most of them were guards in full chain mail but a few were Sue's witches. Puck recognized Becky and Santana, but none of the others.

The captives were hustled out of the wagon and made to kneel in the dirt, which pissed Puck off to no end. He was supposed to be the one causing humiliation, not enduring it. Kurt kneeled beside Puck, looking over at him with a strange expression in his eyes. What could Puck possibly do to help? He had no powers and his hands were bound. What was he supposed to do? Head-butt a whole army to death? Though, that _would_ be pretty badass…

Then, a big figure approached, his boots thudding in the dirt under his weight. The guy was pretty tall – taller than Puck, but not as tall as Finn – and solid. He wore complete chainmail and the tunic of Kinley below a heavy iron helmet with a pointed face-mask. Puck thought he was probably compensating for something, and almost said that out loud before Kurt shushed him.

"Well, well," the man said, pulling off his helmet to reveal a chubby face that held an evil smile. "If it isn't King William's best knight, Finn Hudson and his faithful lap-dog, Puck? What are you two doing in my territory, losers? And with your queer little friends?" Karofsky sneered at Blaine before scoffing at Artie and rounding on Kurt. "Hey, homo," he jeered with a smirk and a wink, pushing Kurt hard so that the nymph fell to the ground despite Puck's efforts to steady him. "How's the forest these days, Kurt?"

"Terrible," Kurt replied, accepting Puck's help to get him back onto his knees and upright, "no thanks to _you_."

"Aw," Karofsky laughed, turning back toward his friends, "the little fairy missed me!" The crowd of soldiers laughed along with their leader and Puck was pretty sure he was the only one who saw the traumatized look flash across Kurt's face before it disappeared behind a wall of stubborn pride. "Put them in the dungeon!"

* * *

"You okay?" Puck asked Kurt in a light whisper as they were hustled down a narrow stone staircase.

"Yes, whatever," Kurt replied, his eyes on the steps, since it was difficult for them to maneuver tied together like they were.

"Liar," Puck hissed back. "You're scared shitless of that dude. And you accused _me_ of being one of them, you wuss. On a good day, you're way more powerful than that douche."

Kurt shook his head angrily and waited for them to reach a long, flat tunnel before telling Puck, "That guy has always been after me. It was fine for awhile, but then got around my defenses _once_, because I was asleep. Now that I'm hobbled and away from home, I'm helpless. You _saw_ the way he looked at me." A shiver wracked Kurt's entire body and Puck knew it had nothing to do with the chill in the dungeon air. "If he calls for me, just break my neck or something, okay? Put me out of my misery."

"Sure," Puck agreed as they were shoved into a cell with the others, even though he couldn't actually see himself killing Kurt. That just wasn't his style. Pull pranks, beat people up, humiliate them, sure. But actually kill someone? He'd never done that before, despite his aspirations at being a knight now that he was fully human.

"Have a nice night, boys," Santana smiled and waved through the bars of their prison as she locked it before following Kartofsky's men back up to the castle.

"We gotta get out of here!" Finn cried softly as soon as the guards left. "And we've got to find Rachel. What if she's down here? Rachel! Rachel!"

There was no response, and just as Finn was about to call out, Puck hissed, "Don't, dude. If she was here, she would have called back. Just chill for a minute."

"But what if she's weak? What if she's not sure she heard me?" Finn asked, on the verge of panicking, even though Blaine was trying to pat his shoulder comfortingly.

"And what if you just piss off the guards so badly that they start taking swings at us? Believe me, dude. In prison, you just gotta keep your head down and get out."

Artie pushed himself up to sitting and asked, "But how do we get out? It's not like we can convince someone to let us go. Sue definitely wants us out of the way for some reason."

"And there's no way we can force our way out," Blaine added, inspecting the hinges on the cell door. "Not with our hands all bound and no tools."

Kurt sighed and leaned closer to Puck, which surprised him, but he found he didn't mind. In his high voice, Kurt pointed out, "We need someone to come rescue us now. Of all the adventurers I throw my lot in with, it's you fellows."

"You're the one that said, 'Let's go stay at the witches' house'!" Finn cried, backing off when Puck and Blaine both gave him harsh looks.

"Oh!" Artie cried, pulling at the rope around his hands with his teeth. "The guards didn't take the ring! The one that calls Tina!"

"You brought that?" Kurt asked delightedly, pulling Puck over to Artie and trying to help him. Between the three of them, they managed to get Artie's hands free in a few minutes, while Blaine and Finn kept watch. "This is fantastic!"

Pulling on a chain from around his neck, Artie dragged the ring out from under his shirt and shoved it on his ring finger. He whispered a few words to the accessory and almost right away, a voice replied, "Th-th-this is Tina. Who's this?"

"It's Artie!" the dude whispered back, almost frantically. "You know, Arthur the Hermit? Kurt's here too."

"Hi, darling!" Kurt whispered joyfully, smiling up at Puck in a way that wasn't at all adorable. Really. It wasn't.

"Why are you guys wh-wh-whispering?" she replied in her own low volume. "Where are you?"

"We're sorta, um, captured," Artie confessed. "We're in Sir Karofsky's secret dungeon. Help!"

"What?" she cried, so loudly that Artie clapped his free hand over the ring and looked to Finn and Blaine, who nodded that the coast was clear, before removing it. "How did you get there? When did you leave the forest?"

"We were _trying_," Kurt sighed, "to rescue Lady Rachel from his evil grasp."

"Why?" Tina asked, like she couldn't in a million years understand anyone wanting to rescue her. "I mean, that doesn't seem like something you guys would normally be into."

Puck decided to end this back and forth, so he said, "They're with us, sweet cheeks. Now, are you gonna help us or not?"

"Wha-?"

Rolling his eyes, Kurt briefly explained the situation to Tina, ending with, "You might want to get help. Maybe Mercedes and Mike. Oh, and Prince Sam if you can get a hold of him. King William will definitely want his favorite knights back."

Blaine held up a finger and said, "Technically, I'm not-"

"But don't trust Princess Quinn," Puck interjected. "She's with Countess Sue. She has to be."

"Okay," Tina decided. "I'll be there s-s-s-soon."

"Wait!" Finn called, but the connection was already severed. "How is she going to find us? This is a _secret_ castle."

"The ring," Kurt answered, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "She'll find us."

"Great," Puck sighed, sitting down next to Artie, again unwittingly pulling Kurt with him. "That's awesome and all, but how is one girl going to save us?"

"Tina isn't just a _girl_," Artie told him, scandalized and almost offended. What? What did Puck say? "She's a _goddess_!"

"Well, a fairy godmother," Kurt corrected with a shrug, "but close enough. If anyone could get us out of here single-handedly, it would be her."

Finn nodded and sat down across from Puck, head in his hands. "Where is Rachel, though?"

"Dunno, dude," Puck replied, looking to Blaine for some help. He might have been one of Finn's best friends from when they were small, but Blaine had better standing with the tall knight lately.

"We'll find her, big guy," Blaine assured him, patting Finn on the shoulder again before sharing a sad smile with Puck and then Kurt. "For now, we should get some rest, so we're ready for action when Tina gets here."

"Yeah," Finn agreed with a huge sigh. "I'm not leaving here without Rachel." Damn straight he wasn't. Puck only hoped this whole thing wouldn't get him killed. He wasn't so human that he was willing to lay down his life for Lady fucking Rachel. No way in hell.

* * *

When Puck woke up in the middle of the night, everything was silent except for a barely-there sniffle now and then, like someone was crying. Puck scoffed to himself when he thought it was probably Finn, the big baby, but when he opened his eyes, he saw that it was Kurt. The nymph was sitting up beside him, knees pulled in tight to his chest and back against the cold stone wall. They'd tried getting the rope untied, but since it was magical, there were no ends to start from, so Puck resigned himself to having exceptionally sore arms until they were untied by Santana or one of the other witches.

Sitting up to get a better look, Puck saw that Kurt's eyes were red-rimmed, which made his blue eyes flash even brighter in the dim firelight. "Hey," Puck whispered, shuffling to sit up next to Kurt, who had turned his face away and was trying to wipe away the tears with their conjoined hands. "What's wrong?"

"What do you think?" Kurt hissed back. "I shouldn't have let you talk me into coming on this imbecilic trip. I was better off alone in the forest."

"Uh-huh," Puck said with disbelief. "Look, dude. Why don't you try to get some sleep? That's what I always do when everything seems too hard. Like with geometry and stuff."

Kurt gave Puck a quick, confused look before shaking his head. "If I fall asleep here, Karofsky's just going to come and do something worse than kiss me. I just know it."

Grudgingly, Puck offered, "I'll stay awake and stand guard. I promise."

"No, but thank you for the offer … Noah," Kurt whispered, leaning over and pressing a quick kiss to Puck's cheek. It reminded Puck of earlier, in the wagon, so he turned his head and caught Kurt's lips before they could escape. Besides the time he spent with Santana and Brittany, it had been ages since Puck had really made out with anyone and this opportunity was just too good to pass up.

Kurt returned the kiss after only a split-second, pressing back against Puck almost hard enough to bruise. Again, Puck got that taste of the forest, the place he missed so much now that he was human, but not the full punch of what a dryad should feel like. A tiny little part of his mind, for just a second, thought that maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he was Kurt's true love, because then they could get rid of this rope and still make out with each other sans the curse. If that was the case and they left Karofsky alive, Kurt would never leave Puck, either. He wouldn't be able to.

When tongues got involved and Puck leveraged Kurt onto his lap, Blaine cleared his throat and gave them a pointed look from across the room. Blushing through the green tint of his skin, Kurt broke away from Puck, scrambling to sit with him shoulder to shoulder instead of groin to groin. Fucking cockblocker.

No, Kurt wasn't his true love. The nymph was just a distraction. If anyone was Puck's true love, it was supposed to be the mother of his daughter, but Quinn was "too good for him" according to everyone, including Finn. If he was right about Countess Sue and her witches, Quinn didn't even remember being with him. She probably didn't even remember Beth. Quinn had done such a good job of hiding her pregnancy and then pawning Beth off on him, no one else even knew about the kid. Besides Finn, of course, the midwife, and maybe a few of her maids.

* * *

Puck didn't fall asleep again, so he was awake when the guards brought a tiny, sniffling woman down into the dungeon and shoved her in the cell next door. The guard left with a grunting curse, locking the cell door and trudging back to the relative comfort outside the dungeon. Since no one else seemed to be awake, Puck leaned as close to the other cell as he could without disturbing Kurt and hissed, "Hey! Hey, you!"

The woman looked up at him, confused, and Puck was sort of bummed that it wasn't Rachel. This chick had something funny going on with the shape of her eyes, but other than that, she looked pretty under the dirt and grime.

"Wh-wh-who are you?" she whispered back, frightened but approaching the bars between them anyway. "What do you want?"

"Listen. How long have you been here?" Puck asked, shaking Kurt so he would wake up and they could get closer to the other prisoner.

Shaking her head, the woman cried softly, "I don't know!"

Shaking Kurt again, Puck laughed when the dryad groaned, "Not now, Puck. My lips are chapped to hell from dehydration and Blaine looked so angry..."

"No, moron," Puck murmured in his ear, "I gotta move you. Someone new is here."

"Oprah?"

"Just shut it and get up," Puck growled, pulling the dryad forcefully as he scrambled over to the bars separating him from the newcomer. "Have you ever seen another prisoner named Rachel? She likes to sing, _a lot_."

"Milady is in the tower suite, preparing for her wedding," she replied, hiding her face in her hands as they approached. "So pretty..."

"What wedding?" Finn cried from behind Puck. So much for keeping things down now that the giant was awake. "Why would Rachel get married? She's supposed to be with _me_!"

Finn's yelling woke up everyone, including Kurt and Artie, who recognized the prisoner. "Tina?" Artie asked. "How is _this_ helping?"

"I-I-I-I _was_ undercover, guys!" Tina insisted. "Now be quiet! We have to take them by surprise as soon as Sam gets here with the rest of the football- I _mean_, with his army. When Karofsky gets distracted by the battle, that's when we'll make our escape and rescue Rachel."

"Oh," Artie nodded, "that's a good plan. I knew there was a reason I loved you!"

"Artie..." the fairy godmother said in warning. "We broke up. Please, don't say things like that anymore. It makes me really uncomfortable."

"Okay," Artie said, looking down in shame.

"Excuse me, Miss," Blaine cut in, sticking his hand through the bars to shake Tina's and introducing himself. "I was wondering if you were able to release these magical bindings. Sir Finn and I need our squire to have full use of his hands, if we are to win this battle." Puck felt positive there was more to Blaine's request than making Puck useful again. He probably thought if _he_ couldn't kiss Kurt, no one should be able to, but was too good of a guy to say that out loud.

"Oh," Tina replied, peering through the bars at the magical rope. "Yeah, I can undo this for ya. _No problemo_." She placed a hand on the rope, but before she could do anything, Kurt jerked their hands away.

"Wait!" he cried, meeting Puck's questioning glance with an apologetic one. "I'm sorry. I'm sure you hate being tied to me like this. I was just wondering..."

"One for the road?" Puck guessed, shifting closer to the dryad.

Kurt met his eyes and nodded, "Please."

With a shrug, and feeling a little victorious because he was doing this right in front of Blaine, Puck leaned in and pressed his lips to Kurt's. Tina shrieked a little, but someone must have murmured her an explanation, because Puck was able to keep the kiss going. And going. And, dear god, how did he go so long without this? Then, amid several throats clearing and a slight nudge on Puck's shoulder, Kurt pulled back. His lips were extra red and plump and Puck had to take several deep breaths to collect himself.

And then, the rope loosened and fell away as Tina did her spell, "Your wish is granted," separating Puck from Kurt and letting hot blood flow back into his hands painfully. Looking up at him, the dryad gave Puck a little, "Oh, well. It was good while it lasted," shrug, which made Puck really want to punch him. Of course it was fucking good while it lasted! This was Puck they were talking about! And how the hell could Kurt not look as horribly devastated as Puck felt? It wasn't fair!

To hide all of that sadness and anger, which was totally not badass, Puck retreated to the other side of the cell, practically hanging out the bars in the cell door so he could see the guards coming or whatever. The others spoke softly on their side of the room, but Puck didn't really care what they were saying. Okay, maybe he cared enough to hear Tina tell them about Sue's plans to wed Lady Rachel to Prince Jesse of Carmel.

"No!" Finn had gasped, leaning on Blaine for support. "He must still love her and want her for his own. And with Prince Jesse's support, Sue will have enough power to take over all of Kinley!"

"And we all know what that means..." Artie sighed.

"What?"

"All the money in the entire kingdom will go to Sue's witches. No more traditional army."

"No more plays in the playhouse," Blaine sighed.

"No more concerts in the forest auditorium," Kurt added sadly.

"No more dollar doughnut Wednesdays," Tina nodded, frowning when everyone gave her a look. "Wh-wh-what? A fairy godmother can't like delicious sugary treats?"

"Oh," Finn groaned, his stupid-ass head in his hands again, "don't talk about sugary treats! Rachel makes the best sugar cookies ever and I'm so hungry."

"I feel you," Artie insisted. "From all the pamphlets I've seen with Lady Rachel's picture, I'm not surprised you miss her '_sugar cookies_,' bro."

Tina, Blaine and Kurt all laughed, and alright, Puck did too, but Finn just stood there with that confused look on his face. "What?"

"Forget it, man," Blaine said kindly. "It doesn't matter. Just focus on getting Rachel back."

See, what Puck had to do was focus on getting through this _alive_. He needed to rescue his daughter, like five times more than Finn needed to rescue his damn, precious lady love. In order to do that, Puck needed to get through this and become a knight. It was the only way and the only thing he should care about. End of story.

* * *

_Well, end of chapter, in any case. I'm still snowed in, so hopefully I can get a bunch of the next chapter finished today, so I can post it sometime tomorrow. Then, it's a break for Thanksgiving and we'll see how it goes from there._

_Please review and tell me how you like the new developments and if there's anything in particular you'd like to see._


	4. Beth

**Puck's Dryad Spell  
**

Chapter 4 – Beth

The rescue operation commenced just before dawn, and Puck was definitely ready to bust some heads after being cooped up in that jail cell with everyone. Including Kurt, who somehow still smelled like the woods, even though he'd been traveling away from them for three days. Damn nymphs! Kurt probably didn't even know he was being so ... desirable, especially now that he had his magic back. It was a survival strategy. Puck knew that. Hell, before he'd been fully human, magical seduction was a big part of his survival strategy, too. And a great way to make some extra cash "cleaning pools."

"Nobody knows ... the trouble I've seen," someone with a deep voice started singing, and Puck wished there existed such things as guns, so he could shoot himself in the head.

"Shut up," he hissed meanly, not at all surprised that it worked. Everyone respected Puck's badassness (except Finn), especially since no one besides Santana and Kurt knew how much more badass he used to be.

Speaking of, the dryad appeared at Puck's side, asking, "What is your problem with singing? I was just trying to pass the time."

"That was you?" Puck cried, remembering how the singer's notes had been so deep. "But your speaking voice is so ... girly."

"If you must know," Kurt sniffed with a hurt frown, "I have an exceptional range to my singing voice."

"Good for you," Puck scoffed, turning away. "But keep your gob shut, alright? This is a dungeon, not a concert hall. Besides, dawn's almost here."

After a moment of silence, Kurt asked, all vulnerable-like and obviously manipulative, "Are you mad at me, Puck?"

"No," Puck groaned, trying to escape the dryad but having no place to go. "Why would I be mad at you, dude?"

"I did practically force you into kissing me," he pouted, touching Puck's arm like it wasn't a teasing, dick move. "I'm sorry about that."

"No one forces the Puckasaurus into anything," he insisted, shrugging off Kurt's hand when all he wanted to do was pull the nymph closer and kiss the hell out of him again. "Now leave me alone, fairy," Puck growled, keeping his back turned, even when he heard Kurt sniff sadly. Why didn't he get that it was just too hard for Puck to look at him? Sure that if the dryad didn't back off, Puck was going to do something stupid and potentially coma-inducing, he snarled, "I said, beat it! Get the hell away from me! Take your little homo ass and-"

Puck's words were interrupted by an explosion rocking through the castle. "Finally!" Tina cried, throwing off her tattered robes to reveal a dress that appeared to be made out of bubbles and a short, shiny blonde bob haircut.

Confused about why he couldn't _quite _see through the bubble-dress, Puck cried, "Whoa! What the fuck?"

Both prison cells popped open suddenly at a flick of Tina's wrist and a sword appeared in Puck's hand at a snap of her fingers. "Alright, men," Tina smirked, turning her hand to make a crystal wand appear before pointing it at a rat in the corner of the room. And then, _poof_, the rat became a pony. "Put Artie on the pony and let's get outta here!"

Using the regular rope that had bound Finn's, Blaine's, and Artie's hands, Puck and Blaine managed to get Artie strapped to the pony, while Kurt supervised and Finn kept watch. Tina disappeared somewhere with an order to, "Head for the tower!"

Hurriedly, Blaine shoved the pony's rope into Puck's hand and took off after Finn, yelling behind him, "Secure their escape, Noah! We'll meet you once we find lady Rachel!"

"Fucking hell," Puck groaned, looking over at the dryad and down at the hermit. Once again Finn and Blaine got all the glory while Puck got the dangerous job of sneaking two incompetents out of the castle. "C'mon, dudes. Try to be quiet."

Kurt sighed and said softly as he followed Puck from the dungeons, "I'm sure that'll be no sweat with that pony clomping around."

Sure that it was his harsh words that had pissed off the dryad, Puck almost apologized before he realized how dangerous being back in Kurt's good graces would be. Fine. Let the dude stay mad at him. As soon as this quest was over, Puck could go back to bedding scullery maids and horny ladies-in-waiting to his heart's content. Oh, alright and maybe the odd stable boy if one caught his eye. Yeah. That's the way Puck rolled.

Carefully he led Artie's pony up the dungeon stairs and into the chaos of the courtyard above. Knights and squires were running around all over the place and not for the first or even the hundredth time in the past two years, Puck mourned the loss of his magic. Damn, it would be so much easier getting through this mess if only he could make them invisible, or at least less noticeable. 'Cause right now, with a beautiful woodland creature on his right and a mouse-turned-pony with a dude strapped to it on his left, Puck was feeling more than a little conspicuous.

Another explosion ripped through the air from near the front gate, startling everyone (except Puck) and he took that opportunity to pull his companions toward the back of the yard, and hopefully toward another, less-well-guarded door. When he got closer, after killing some guy who tried to grab Artie away from him, Puck could almost feel his ears prick up at the clawing sound of a young child screaming.

Puck shoved the pony's lead into Kurt's hands and took off after the noise, unable to understand why he couldn't just let it go. Something about that noise called to him on an instinctual level. And where was it coming from? Puck rushed from building to building searching for the sound, Kurt and Artie bumbling along behind him until finally, he made it to the stables.

It was her! Standing next to a carriage, waiting to get in and make her escape from the battle, was Puck's greatest enemy.

"Shelby!" Puck cried out, getting the witch's attention. The green-skinned woman turned, revealing the source of the crying noise. In her arms sat a small girl, with hooves instead of feet and small spiral horns budding from her head, her light-brown, wavy hair falling around them.

There could be no mistake. She had to be Puck's daughter, Beth, unable to hide her heritage because of her youth. He'd been looking for her for so long that disregarding the danger, Puck dropped his sword and swiftly grabbed the child from Shelby's arms. Ignoring the way she screamed he finally, finally yanked her free of her kidnapper and back where she belonged, in his arms.

Scrambling to pick his sword back up, Puck retreated toward Kurt and Artie as they came barreling into the stable. He didn't know what good the weapon would do, since Shelby was a witch and could probably decimate all of them, but it was better than nothing.

Puck waited for something to go down, seeing no way in or out of this mess, when Shelby opened her mouth to cast what was surely the spell that would kill him once and for all. Ignoring the witch, Puck turned Beth around in his arms so he could look at her face, saying, "Hey, darling. I finally-" Puck choked off his words when he saw terror and tears in the little girl's eyes, rather than relief.

Then, gaining her balance, Beth tried to head-butt him in the face, which he narrowly avoided by putting a heavy hand on her forehead. "It's me!" he cried. "It's your dad, Beth! Quit tryin' to take my eyes out!"

While Puck tried to handle the toddler without injuring her, Tina appeared behind them, fighting Shelby in a magical show-down of epic proportions, while Kurt had picked up Puck's sword and was daintily trying to fight off Shelby's raggedy-looking troll of a chauffeur. Then, all of a sudden, Tina was knocked down and Puck just nearly missed having his head taken off by a sharp blade, while Beth was torn from his arms again.

"Think again, bandits!" a proud voice smirked as a curly-haired man handed Beth back to Shelby and turned to face Puck, sword raised.

"Sir Jesse St. James," Puck sneered, grabbing his sword from Kurt and hefting his hand to get a good grip on it. "That's my daughter, flesh and blood, and you've given her back to her kidnapper."

"What are you talking about?" St. James asked with an evil sort of smirk. "Elizabeth has been with Shelby since she was born. I can attest to that fact. Can't you see the resemblance?"

"Fuck you," Puck cried, noticing Tina gaining her bearings off to the side. "The only reason you're not dead already is because your MILF stole my powers along with my kid. You'll both get what's coming to you!"

"I don't think so," a harsh voice said from behind them, the speaker's arm wrapped around Tina's neck in a choke-hold. Damn! Just when she was getting ready to get them all out of this mess, Sir Karofsky had to go and grab her.

Puck held onto his sword, but he felt less than helpless as Karofsky rounded the room with Tina in tow, joining the rest of Puck's enemies at the carriage. Puck had avoided looking at Beth and Shelby while Jesse St. James was the main threat, but now that he might as well just give up, Puck let his eyes find his daughter and his heart broke. The little girl snuggled into Shelby's embrace like the witch was actually her mother. What the freaking hell?

A bellow from the courtyard preceded the battle overflowing into the stable and in Puck's haste to protect Kurt and Artie, Shelby and Sir Jesse got away with Karofsky, who dumped Tina, bruised and unconscious, just outside the castle wall. Puck ran after the carriage for as long as he could, but with Countess Sue's protein-powder-fed horses drawing the damn thing, there was no way he was gonna catch up on slow human legs. "Fucking fuck, fuck, fuck!" he cried, collapsing onto the road when he couldn't go any further, the tears hot on his cheeks.

"I'm so sorry, Puck," Kurt said in his light, airy voice, falling into the dirt beside him while Artie's pony wandered toward the grass at the edge of the road. When Kurt's arms tightened around him, Puck shuddered and pushed the nymph away.

"Don't you dare, twinkle-toes!" Puck growled. "I've put up with enough shit in my lifetime, I don't deserve any more. Just keep you and your damn manipulative, seductive ways the hell away from me alright? You're cursed, damaged goods and I don't want you! Got it?"

Tearing up and hand going to his lip reflexively, Kurt nodded and ran back down the path, toward Kaofsky's castle and presumably the knights Puck still supposedly worked for. But what was the point? With Karofsky, Sue, and Jesse St. James on Shelby's side, there was no way being a full-fledged knight would make any difference in Puck's ability to get his daughter back.

"That's harsh, yo," Artie said quietly and Puck agreed with a nod, taking the rat-pony's lead and following Kurt back into the fold.

* * *

Finn and General Beiste decided that a long-term occupancy of Secret Castle Karofsky was unnecessary ("As useful as eyelashes on a mule"), so everyone, including Rachel (who had been rescued, of course, by Finn and Blaine), got back on the road toward the capital of Kinley, New Directions. Puck had always thought the city name sounded like a dirty pun, but people always gave him a look that said he was being stupid and childish when he pointed it out.

Somehow, Puck ended up walking beside Rachel's horse to make sure it stayed on the path, and the annoying maiden looked down at him with sad eyes. "I heard from the dryad and the hermit about your daughter, Noah. I'm so sorry! I wish I could say that she's in good hands, but..."

Puck growled in acknowledgment. He knew how fucking bad it was. Beth was gonna grow up thinking Shelby and her lackeys were normal. She'd never understand right from wrong and she would always hate him.

"But you should have seen Finn," Rachel gushed, smiling over at her boyfriend who rode at her side. "He was so heroic, fighting off Jesse and slaying my other captors. And Blaine, too! Kinley has such a wonderful friend in Dalton, don't you think?"

Normally Puck thought Blaine was an alright sort of dude, but looking back for about the millionth time, he saw Blaine riding with Kurt tucked in front of him on the saddle. Puck knew he'd told Kurt to fuck off and it was totally his fault that the guy had turned to Blaine, but it still hurt to see them cuddling together. Puck still didn't understand what Blaine thought he was getting if he couldn't kiss the dude. Maybe kissing didn't matter as much to douchy assholes who, though freaking charming, would rather just skip that part and get directly into someone's pants.

* * *

Wandering around the barn where Puck's friends were resting for the night, as everyone else slept, Puck came to where Kurt laid, his hand entwined with Blaine's. In the moonlight, you couldn't tell that Kurt's skin was a little too green and his ears were a little too pointy. He looked almost human, but he wasn't. Puck had been so proud of himself when he learned to hide his true nature behind a human mask, and now it just felt wrong. Everything about Puck was wrong.

Nothing made sense anymore. Beth didn't recognize him, maybe because of what Shelby had done to him, and maybe because it took him too long to get to Beth and she forgot him. Now she loved Shelby and hated him. She didn't need Puck. Nobody needed him.

In a stroke of craziness, Puck looked down at Kurt again and wondered how any nightmare dreamed in a hundred years of cursed sleep could be any worse. Maybe it would even be better. Beth would live out her life and pass on, never knowing that her father was Puck, the legendary prankster, and her mother was Princess Quinn. Finn would get over losing Puck soon enough, and so would Blaine. Quinn didn't even remember being with him and was betrothed to Prince Sam. And Kurt ... Kurt had Blaine.

So, filled with thoughts of hopelessness, Puck leaned over and kissed Kurt soundly on the lips, no magical rope or anything to protect him. At first, it felt like nothing was going to happen and just as Puck began to hope that he wouldn't be cursed and that he and Kurt were meant to be together, he felt himself losing it. "Aw, shit," he sighed, falling back into the hay, asleep.

**

* * *

**_Please Review! I'd love to know what you think will happen next!_


	5. A Muddy Jackrabbit

**Chapter 5 – A Muddy Jackrabbit**

There were no nightmares to speak of, just an unending uneasy feeling and little spurts of pain now and then, especially in his head and feet. Puck couldn't see anything, but thoughts of how Beth hated him ran round and round in his mind, especially the way she screamed when he picked her up. Damn it.

Then, thoughts of Kurt filtered in there too. The dryad would hold and stroke his hand, pet his hair, and say things like, "Puck, you asshole! Why would you go and do this to yourself?" and, "Well, that's certainly different..."

When he woke up, it didn't feel like a hundred years had passed. Then again, maybe this was just one of those nightmares that started out with you waking up, only to have everything go horribly wrong. Letting his eyes flutter open, Puck had to clench them shut immediately against the bright sunlight. Head aching and heavy, Puck squinted and looked around to find himself in the same barn where he'd fallen asleep, sunlight streaming through the windows above the rafters.

Just when he thought he was alone and let himself groan in pain as he sat up, someone across the room gasped, "You're awake? Hey, guys! Puck's awake!"

Oh, that would be the cripple, Artie, wouldn't it? Groaning again, Puck stretched and tried to wiggle his toes ...

Only to find he had no toes.

"Holy shit!" he cried, kicking off the blanket someone had laid over his lower half to reveal shaggy, fur covered legs that ended in cloven hooves and just barely fit in his breeches. He'd almost forgotten what it felt like, having his own legs back. Then, as if afraid he might be wrong and just dreaming or hallucinating, Puck brought both hands up to his head, relieved to find the curling horns just where they should be. It was almost like they'd never been gone.

Curious, Puck pointed his finger at a bottle balancing on a stall beam, making a, "Pacheww!" noise just for the hell of it and laughing when the bottle fell. His magic was back! Puck was back, baby!

Overflowing with joy and relief, Puck got up onto his feet and danced around the barn, cuffing Artie lightly on the back of the head as he passed, noticing Tina was still unconscious at his side, and taking the newly-arrived Kurt into his arms, leading the dryad in the dance. Kurt laughed and danced with him, understanding the pure joy of reveling in life and magic in a way that full-humans rarely did, and held a hint of forgiveness in his eyes.

Blaine, Finn and Rachel watched, the last two much happier than the first. Rachel nodded at Puck gleefully when she caught his eye, but Finn just looked confused. Giving Kurt one last twirl, and an apologetic squeeze of his hand, Puck trotted over to the three humans and grinned, "Like what you see?"

"What _are_ you?" Finn asked, walking around Puck before reaching up to touch his horns.

Puck smiled under the scrutiny and replied, "I'm Puck!"

"Yeah, _thanks_," Blaine scoffed, moving closer to Kurt, who was still grinning at Puck. "How did you get to be this way?"

Jumping into the conversation, Kurt insisted, "He kissed me!" and stepped out of Blaine's encircling arm. "Somehow, that reversed the spell he was under."

"What spell?" Finn asked, still poking and prodding Puck in confusion. "Since when have you been under a spell, dude?"

"Since right before I got busted for knocking over that treasure carriage!" Puck told them, catching Kurt's eyes and pulling the dryad closer with a hand on either shoulder. "I don't know how, Kurt, but you fixed me." Taking a chance, Puck pulled Kurt in to kiss him, sure it was the right thing to do, but suddenly he was kissing a dusty, dirty hand instead of plump, soft lips.

"Hang on a second, Noah!" Blaine cried, pulling his hand back. "We don't know if kissing him a second time would curse you or not. And Sir Finn and I both knew you since long before the treasure carriage! What's with the hooves?"

Disappointed, Puck rolled his eyes at Kurt, which made the nymph chuckle, and nodded to Blaine first and then Finn, whose brows furrowed with hurt or betrayal. "Okay, okay, dude. You're right. And this is how you didn't know…" Taking a breath, Puck let his human disguise fall over his true form. His horns blurred and disappeared while his hooves morphed back into feet and the dense fur melted away into thin, wiry human leg hair under his breeches. "I'm magically badass, guys!"

"You've been hiding this from me the whole time?" Finn asked, the hurt on his face deepening. "I was supposed to be your best friend and your liege, dude! What the hell?"

"You really think I could just walk around the city in my real body?" Puck asked. "I'd get burned at the stake."

"But... I wouldn't have told..."

Sighing, Puck insisted, "It was better if no one knew."

"All the while you were playing pranks on innocent bystanders, weren't you?" Kurt asked, slipping his hand into Puck's, a move that Blaine noticed right away and frowned at. "A certain lawn furniture incident comes to mind..."

"Gotta keep everyone on their toes," Puck shrugged with a slight grin.

Finn snapped his fingers and pointed at Puck, "Were you the one stealing everyone's shoes and hiding them around town?

"Do I _look _that lame?" Puck asked, rolling his eyes and sharing a look with Kurt. "That was totally the brownies, dude. They're always up to something."

Then, a sharp, loud whistle preceding her, General Beiste clomped into the barn, bellowing, "We've got a wagon for the incompetents. Let's move out!" She stopped short when she saw Puck standing there happily awake and holding Kurt's hand. "Well I'll be a muddy jackrabbit! Your squire's up and about a hundred years earlier than forecasted! Good form, Puckerman. Good form."

"Thanks, General Beiste!" Puck grinned, striding over to Artie and picking the guy up. "Let's get this show on the road!"

With renewed sense of purpose, Puck carried Artie out to the General's open wagon, while Finn got the still-unconscious Tina, propping him up against the back of the driver's seat before striding back to the tailgate and extending a hand down to Kurt. When Sir Blaine saw this, he put a hand on Kurt's elbow and said, "Why don't you ride with me again, Kurt? I've got a few ideas about how we might track down Karofsky and the rest of Countess Sue's men."

Kurt looked back and forth between the two men offering him invitations and not quite regretfully, put his hand into Puck's. As the prankster hauled Kurt up into the wagon bed, the dryad asked Blaine, "Why don't you talk those plans over with Finn and General Beiste? You all know sports far better than I would ever care to. I'll be comfortable up here."

Blaine sighed and nodded good-naturedly to both Kurt and Puck, writing them off with a solid, "Very well, then. I'll let you know if we come up with anything."

Puck had always known Blaine was a sickeningly good guy, and here he was again, playing the calm, steady knight, even when it looked like Kurt was slipping away from him and into Puck's arms. Some part of Puck wanted to prove that Blaine was seething with anger over Puck's good fortune and would like to push him into showing it, but he also knew that they needed Blaine if they were going to stop Countess Sue from taking over Kinley, kill Sir Karofsky, and get Beth back from her kidnappers.

It was true that Puck had given up the hope of getting his daughter back just before he kissed Kurt, but now that he'd been restored his former powers, it would be that much easier to out-magic Shelby, kick Sir Jesse's ass, and make Beth remember she was his flesh and blood.

* * *

A few miles down the road, after Artie had fallen asleep, Puck leaned over and whispered to Kurt, "I'm sorry I was such a douche to you."

Nodding Kurt gave the squire a half-smile and asked, "Why did you say all those things?"

"Dunno, man," Puck shrugged, taking Kurt's hand and tracing patterns over the knuckles as he spoke, "I guess it was like reverse psychology or something. You were just so tempting and with all this other shit going on, it was like I didn't want to have to worry about slipping up and kissing you."

"Is that what happened...?" Kurt asked, letting his blue eyes meet Puck's and brushing away his bangs. "... when you kissed me last night? Was it a slip-up?"

"Nah," Puck shrugged, leaning close enough to breathe in that scent of the forest. "That was supposed to be suicide by cursed kiss." Lowering his voice, he whispered in Kurt's ear, "It didn't work."

"Wanna know why," Artie broke in, not as asleep as he had appeared, "it didn't work?"

"What do you know, dweeb?" Puck asked, smirking when Kurt smacked his arm lightly.

"Lately, I've been studying curses. It's a hobby of mine," Artie shrugged. "Generally there are only two cures for the common curse: killing the sorcerer who placed the curse, or true love's kiss."

Since Puck doubted that Shelby had kicked it in the few hours between when she disappeared with Beth again and when he'd passed out, he was pretty sure that first cure was out. Looking to Kurt, Puck could tell that the dryad was coming to the same conclusion, the way his eyes widened and his hand gripped Puck's tightly.

Without breaking Puck's gaze, Kurt asked Artie, "Does that mean I'm not cursed anymore, either?"

"Hard to say," Artie shrugged. "We'd have to run an experiment to get conclusive results."

"I don't see," Kurt sighed, "why anyone would volunteer when the price could be so high."

In response, Puck wiggled his eyebrows and said, "I'm up for a little experimentation," before leaning toward Kurt again.

"I wouldn't do that!" Artie cried, and Puck almost growled in frustration. "We're not sure of anything, Puck, and I'm fairly certain those knights need you to win this fight against Kinley's attackers. Better safe than sorry!"

Rolling his eyes, Puck sat back against the wall of the wagon with a huff. "Fine. Those asshats really do need the Puckmeister. They're lost without me."

Artie nodded and the wagon fell into silence until a few minutes later, when Kurt leaned toward Puck and whispered, "I'm convinced, even if Artie isn't. Once Sir Karofsky's dead, I've plans for about a hundred ways you can make up for being a jerk to me, Noah."

The low, breathy tone of Kurt's voice made Puck shiver and nod gratefully. Kurt would give him another chance at maybe, possibly true love. Now Puck just had to avoid fucking it up.

* * *

To get another conversation going, Puck leaned toward Kurt again and nodded toward the sorceress laid out on the hay next to Artie and asked, "Tina been awake at all since Karofsky hurt her?"

"Here and there," Kurt replied, sighing. "Artie says she just needs to sleep off the battle and the injuries and everything. Recharge her batteries, so to speak."

Smirking, Puck asked, "What are batteries?"

Kurt laughed and shook his head, "I don't know, do I?" His eyes came up to meet Puck's and they shared a smile, something Puck figured he would never get enough of. Then, Kurt took a sharp breath and asked, "What's it like, living in the city? I've never really been away from the forest before."

"Probably for good reason," Puck insisted, fingering one of Kurt's pointed ears and watching as he blushed beneath his green-tinged skin. "Maybe I could work something up, to make you look human at least for a little while."

"Could we go to the playhouse?" Kurt asked, his smile wide with excitement. "My friends and I put on plays for ourselves in Lima Forest, but to see an _actual_ play, performed by _actual_ actors would be a dream come true!"

Smiling, Puck pulled Kurt into a one-armed hug and tried to remember not to kiss him, "I'll see what I can do. I mean if, I can smuggle a whole turkey into Countess Sue's chambers by disguising it as a freaking Pomeranian, I should be able to make some subtle, temporary adjustments here and there."

Kurt laughed and leaned against Puck's side, nodding as he asked, "What was the purpose of the turkey?"

"To scare the shit out of her when she woke up," Puck explained, chuckling a little. "I locked it in her bathing chamber and _everyone_ heard the screams when Sue got up to piss in the middle of the night. It was pretty epic."

"I see," Kurt laughed, patting Puck's knee and settling down into his arm like it was the most comfortable place in the world, even though the floor of the wagon was hard and splintery and there were no freaking shocks on the wheels. Yeah, Puck could get used to this.

* * *

The ride to New Directions took much longer than Puck would have thought, and most of the time, he was stuck in the wagon with Kurt and Artie. For the most part it was okay, because Artie was kind of cool to talk to, and Puck started a few conversations so he could get to know Kurt better. However, once in a while, being that close to the creature he absolutely, positively could not yet kiss, drove Puck up-the-wall crazy.

One day, when they were miles away from any town, Puck let his disguise fall away and stretched his true legs, running in the trees alongside General Beiste's company. Running through the forest undetected was one of those few things he was actually really good at. And it was fun, chasing through the underbrush, spooking the horses now and again, doing everything in his power not to get caught. Sure, Finn, Blaine, and Artie knew about him now, but at Finn's insistence no one else did.

Kinley did not have a … _healthy_ … relationship with magical creatures, to say the least. In fact, Puck was pretty sure that most of the soldiers didn't even know Kurt was a dryad, because Blaine had given him a hooded cloak to wear around when camp was struck for the night. Maybe he was afraid they'd burn Kurt for being _other_ and maybe Blaine was just afraid more soldiers would take a liking to him and he'd have to outcompete them as well as Puck. Yeah, like _that_ was going to happen anytime soon.

Running through the forest, though, Puck was so absorbed with keeping track of the soldiers without being caught by them that he almost ran right into a lanky woodsman. "Agh!" the guy cried in shock as Puck slid to a stop in front of him, holding an axe up over his shoulder like he would actually be able to swing it with those lanky arms.

"Agh!" Puck shouted back, holding up his hands so the guy wouldn't try to chop his head off or something.

"Who … _what_ … are you?" the guy asked, looking more than a little freaked out, his brown eyes wide.

"Puck," he replied simply, since it was the only answer he had.

"Um…"

"I'm not gonna hurt you, dude," Puck insisted. "You can put down the axe. I'm going about my business in the forest, just like you. No need to go _Shining_ on me."

"What?"

"Never mind," Puck sighed, eying the axe as the guy lowered it slowly. "What's your name?"

"Mike," he replied, squaring his shoulders like he was telling Puck he'd pick that axe right back up if he needed to. "Woodsman Mike."

"The one Tina's dating?" Puck asked, groaning inwardly at how the gossip Kurt had been filling his ear with over the past two days must have stuck. Last week he could barely give a rat's ass that Finn was seeing that Rachel chick and Prince Sam somehow won Quinn's affection.

Now there was a question. If Kurt really was Puck's true love, as his current state of being would suggest, did it even matter that Quinn couldn't remember him or Beth? Maybe it would be better, in the long run, if she never remembered. She didn't want Beth, anyway, or she wouldn't have given the baby to Puck to have forever.

"Yeah," Mike said slowly, breaking into Puck's thoughts. "You know Tina?"

"Met her, yeah," Puck agreed. He wouldn't exactly say he _knew_ the chick, but he knew of her. "She's a little under the weather and traveling with these guys," he explained, thumbing toward the road off to his right, beyond the line of trees. "I'm sure Coach Beiste won't mind if you tag along, though Artie's been at her side twenty-four seven, so you might have to take some shit up with him."

Mike's face fell into something between devastation and jealous rage as he growled, "Arthur the Hermit?"

Geez, this guy was slow. "Yeah, numb nuts, Arthur the Hermit." Blurring his disguise back into place, Puck said, "Wanna go see her or what?"

Mike shook his head and gave Puck a hard look before nodding his head. "Just so you know, I'm friends with most of the woodland people, so don't even try anything out here, Puck. I know what you are and it doesn't scare me at all."

Puck rolled his eyes and stomped away from Mike and toward the road, hating the way his booted feet never quite landed the way they would if he was using his hooves. "Whatever, dude. Just don't bury that axe in my skull and we're cool."

* * *

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